So, despite my doctors promise that I would get to sleep all the time, I have found that quite the opposite is true - the first round it was the nausea and the runs (sorry TMI) keeping me awake, and towards the end it was the stress about feeling yucky all over again (not to mention the hair falling out itchiness and the scalp infection that it caused) making it impossible to sleep through the night.

Now I'm on round two and the nausea is much much better- still there waiting to rear up it's nasty little head and torment me, but definitely only had a few hours Monday night that were porcelain hugging so all in all I'm calling it a win. 

I even managed to eat two pieces of toast, an apple and some soup broth today (last round I went pretty much a whole week without eating anything stronger than Gatorade.) To me this is a MAJOR improvement because the only thing more mood damaging than not sleeping is for sure not eating.

I miss my wig (a lot, please expect a whole post dedicated to pictures of my fabulous wig) but until this infection clears up (apparently it is a pretty common side effect of the hair falling out and should go away soon) I instead spend a lot of time looking at pictures of Amber Rose (see pictures below, she's FIERCELY baldly hot)

Now, given the choice between my current insomnia (where I feel almost normal but wired from the anti-nausea steroids) and the insomnia I had last time around which was caused by my nausea, stomach issues, the infection I got from my hair falling out (apparently very common but VERY hot, painful and uncomfortable and almost impossible to sleep with) obviously its not hard to go with A, but the problem is tomorrow I am going to be a disaster. I will cry, probably about something totally inconsequential and inane.

Sleep is not just the fuel that gets you through the day - it's also the armor that protects our fragile little souls from the constant challenges that everyday throws our way. We are saturated with so much stimulation, so many decisions, so much to do. Doing all of that on a full nights sleep is hard enough, but doing it while you are running on empty is like walking around in public without your skin. It's not the being awake at night that bothers me so much - it is the vulnerability that I feel when I go out into the world weak limbed, fuzzy brained, and emotionally raw.

So if you will take any advice from the sparkliest girl in chemo that applies to everyone it is sleep. I will not bore you with things like how many less calories people with a full nights sleep consume or the link between sleep disorders and heart problems later in life. Let's go for the instant gratification of starting your day feeling as strong and fortified as possible. Sleep is like a hearty breakfast for your soul.

Wish me luck tomorrow :)
Xoxox



dena