DIY: Neon Bling for Optical Lengthening

So my friends and loved ones (thanks for reading y'all) have asked me if the blog has a "theme." Well, the answer is yes. It does have a theme. The theme is dressing cute. Specifically, dressing cute when you're a freaking giant amazon but also a hot dame (dame + amazon = dameazon, just FYI) and you want to be cool/hip/fashionable and have people say things like "wow, you're 5'10? really? you seem petite" (Ok, I just heard the last one for the first time two days ago but it totally counts.) And yes, so far there have been a lot of photos of me trying to look cute, but I thought before I tried to tell people how to dress cute and flattering I should prove that I actually know how to do it first.


That was a series of horrible run on sentences and I apologize but the point of today's post is lengthening so it seemed appropo to have a very long sentence to explain it. Right?


Ok, moving on. Anything with the word "lengthening" in it may seem counterintuitive when you're a big girl and want to look smaller but actually it just helps make everything look well-dispersed. Proportional. Thin. (I said it, don't hate me!) Like using a longer top to counteract the potentially widening effect of horizontal stripe (read more about that here) there are certain dressing tips that can draw the eye across your body in a certain way that is both lengthening and incredibly flattering.  


One of these tactics is affectionately known as a "statement necklace." The statement these necklaces make is obviously "LOOK AT ME, RIGHT HERE, NOT ANYWHERE ELSE, HERE!" This is also the reason this look is so flattering—it draws attention up the body to your gorgeous face, often in a way that flatters your collar bones (sexy on everybody, no matter what) and lengthens your elegant neck. 


I'm particularly obsessed with (all things) neon and this style also happens to be awesome for introducing it into an outfit in a less scary way. One artist—Dannijo—makes the most freaking amazing versions of these necklaces but at $450 a pop it's not the kind of splurge my wallet cannot absorb right now. So I decided to make my own. Boom.  This one cost me about $15 plus the nail polishes, which I already had.


So here is what I used...  


Essie "Splash of Grenada" 
American Apparel "Neon Red"
Forever 21 Crystal Necklace $15.80

I also used the plastic bag the necklace came in as a drop cloth so I wouldn't make a mess...
Then I painted some of the gems with different colors of polish to make a cool pattern. Tip: Put a drop on each stone with the very tip of the brush, not in strokes like you would if you were painting your nails.
And TADAAAA... gorgeous right? I let it dry overnight just to be safe. 








COUNTRY SUN

Okay, first off, this post is clearly not from today. Because today I am at work in my cold, beautiful city which means a lot more layers and a lot less grass. 


So I am reminiscing about being in the sun. Also spinning. Love spinning. This was my handsome photographers idea but it was the best idea ever. Highly recommend. 


Also, this hat may or may not belong to my mom... just FYI.




I told you there would be spinning...


Hats are the best...


This outfit made 200x better by the peek of striped bustier underneath...




This hat rocks my socks...


Shorts, Hat & Sweater: H&M Bustier: Forever 21 (similar)
Shoes: Aldo (on sale!)Nails: Essie "Splash of Grenadine" Jewelry: Brandy Melville 




BURGERS & STRIPES: A CAUTIONARY TALE

What, might you ask, do these two things have in common? Besides both being incredibly awesome, they are also two of my favorite things ever. Also, when used improperly they can make you look like a beached whale. Yup, I went there. 


Here's my secret. One, I exercise.(Ok, bad joke.) Two, I like LONG shirts, which extend the torso and counteract the negative optical illusion that is horizontal stripes. 


And since I am an Amazon (nice way of saying GIANT) I tend to find that normal shirts aren't long enough for me. But guess what, neither are dresses. In fact, they are almost like shirts on me. **LIGHTBULB** You guessed it, this shirt is actually a dress. 


As our some of my other favorite "shirts." So there you go, hop on over to those teeny bopper stores that love dressing midgets and find some awesome dresses and turn them into badass tops. Then go eat a burger. 


XO


Master photographer trick courtesy of my handsome photographer: "Play with your sunglasses"

He's handsome & FUNNY


Now this is what I call Ak-sex-ories...

Me being difficult, yet again. SHOCKING. Who's shocked?

Who wants to bet money this ends up as an fbook profile pic? Nobody?


Shorts: Joes Jeans Shirt/Dress: H&M 
Denim Vest, Purse & LOVE Ring: Forever 21
Shoes: Aldo (on sale!)
Jewelry: Brandy Melville, (peace necklace worn as bracelet)
Sunglasses: Karen Walker #1 



LACE FOR AMERICA

Nothing screams Americana quite like a road trip. I love road trips. I'm sure my companions enjoy my childlike exuberance over farm animals and my insistence on listening to the same 3 songs over and over again. But somehow I manage to keep convincing people to go on them with me. 


A special part of these experience for me (some might call it an obsession) is the roadside attraction. Take "Old Faithful," tucked lovingly on the road that connects Middletown and Calistoga.  I never fail to be delighted by the site of it—even though I have never forked over the fee to see it. I think what I really love is the awesome 1950s mural, the liberal use of expletives (IT'S AMAZING!) and the totally appropriate use of comic sans font. 


Anyway, there we were, driving on the country roads, blasting country music, when I see the sign for Old Faithful. "Pull over," I tell my incredibly handsome photographer. What a better way to capture the "old faithful" combination of light denim and crochet then in front of an Old Faithful sign... Right? Or am I the only one that thinks this way? Anyway, here are the gorgeous photos my incredibly talented and patient photographer took. 



This is my tough model face..

Isn't this mural AMAZE?!?

But I don't wanna!!!! I am a horrible photo subject **My photographer is a saint**

Peace & Love Y'all
It IS Memorial Day...

Dress: Urban Outfitters Vest: Forever 21 (similar here) Shoes: Ecote 
Jewelry: Brandy Melville (Peace Necklace & Arrow Bracelet) Forever 21 (LOVE ring) Haight St SF (Peace Ring) Nails: Essie "Splash of Grenadine" (Best Color EVER)


**Author's Note: Liberal use of peace signs in this ensemb was in no way an intentional reference to memorial day. I have nothing but respect for the veteran's who have served our country. In fact my obsession with them, rather than just peace—which FYI I am way into—is that they remind me of my jetsetting best friend/wife who always wears one around her neck.**

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