Girls be Nice to Other Girls

My friends are an impressive bunch. I know this, not just because they are my friends, but because through out the years I've been told so. In my group of close friends there are more masters and PHDs then you can shake a stick at. Not one, but TWO, brilliant health economists with international educations. A legit movie star. The CEO of a 16 million dollar company. A food blogger who's life is being turned into a TV Show. Brilliant women who, as they tip into their 30s, are marketing directors for multi-national corporations, PR mavens, and women who nonchalantly mention multi-million dollar revenue goals as if they were discussing what they had for breakfast.

Teachers, armed with multiple masters degrees, chemists, successful fashion bloggers who also have impressive day jobs, and big shot lawyers. Women brave enough to start their own companies. Managers and leaders and educators and the HR staff who place people in jobs for some of the largest companies in the world.

Their resumes are only surmounted by their kindness, thoughtfulness, and hilarity. Every damn one of them has made me laugh so hard I peed a little.

Besides each and every one of them being exceptionally good looking (I'm not kidding, each and every one of them is gorgeous, it's really quite insane) the only thing they all have in common is that not a single one of them competes with other woman.

I mean that purely in the mean girl, I will make myself feel big by making others feel small, way that women do. You know what I am talking about. It is the insidious force that drives women apart. It makes them feel bad about themselves (their battle cry "why her? why her? why not me?") It requires finding bad qualities in others, demeaning, scapegoating and otherwise antagonizing other peoples successes. It is that tiny, sharp punch of joy at hearing of a rivals misfortune. It is the spike of jealousy in your eye when someone else achieves something.

Somehow, someway, these beautiful girls who are my friends have escaped from that. They do not compete with other people unless it is in a positive way, to make themselves better, to challenge themselves to grow. Instead of "why her?" their battle cry is "that's amazing!" or "So inspiring!"

I can't say for certain that this is the secret to their successes, but I sure as hell don't think it hurts. It is nice to be around these women. I know I draw my strength and positive attitude from them.

There is nothing easy about choosing to walk this path. It requires hard work. Diligence. Understanding that jealousy is an opportunity to make better choices for yourself. The intelligence and self possession to see your own value, to find validation from your own internal compass that tells you when you are doing everything you can, giving everything you've got, leaving it all on the field.

There is shame and self doubt on this road. Nobody is exempt from the feelings. But you feel them and then you move on. You don't let them rule you and you don't lash them out at other people.

Not one of them thinks they are perfect, but each one of them tries to be their best possible self. They do that by being cheerleaders, mentors, and caring friends. They bring light and positivity into the world around them.

It's so easy to go neg. Negativity is funny. It's the hallmark of standup comedians and political pundits for a reason. And yet, it's not good for our soul. It doesn't bring us together, or bring out the best in ourselves.

I am so proud of my friends and all that they accomplish. Each and every day I learn a new way that they are making the world a better and brighter place. It's hard to imagine feeling jealous of their success or wanting to diminish them in some way, but I know that with all the pressure we put on ourselves it can seem like an easy way out to go neg. Don't do it! The universe rewards positivity with awesomeness.