Donald Trump Is Making me Hate Faux Tanner


An answer to the question: Why is Dena so pale right now? Obviously, there is a level of laziness implicit here. Plus the amount of skin showing at any point in time is like, the tip of my nose. Add into that a splash of deep tissue repair and exfoliation, and you get a pale Dena. That's the nuts and bolts mechanical explanation. The truth is I am always a little bit lazy and I still prioritized faux tanning as part of my indulgent self-care ritual.

So what is going on? I'm sure part of it is the influence of truly gorgeous images like this one (hi kelly!)


And a winter aesthetic in the midwest that makes being tan seem slightly ridiculous. The fact that I truly enjoyed the latest installment of Underworld: Blood Wars in part because of all that gorgeous pale vampire flesh does hurt either. Helllllo Irene Adler. 

goals

But the truth is, I just can't bring myself to dose up on tanner. I have so much of it, and it's soooo good, but putting it on just makes me feel a kernel of dread in the pit of my stomach.  So what's behind the sudden aversion?  I can't resist the kernel of awareness that makes me believe my current pale status is rejection of the most infamous spray tan in the world right now. It's impossible to think or see "spray tan" and not think about the end of national healthcare, planned parenthood, and possibly the world as we know it.

I'm not sure I can truly capture it any better than this video can, so if you haven't watched this yet, just trust me it's so so worth it. And it's funny, and making me laugh when I feel like I have my own personal storm cloud following me around is really something.


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