As usual, I walk into the infusion area like I own the place. Magazine and Kombucha in one hand, tripod and perfect architectural basket bag in the other. On my feet, instead of my usual shower slides (work unironically), I have butter soft suede mules from Rebecca Minkoff. Perfectly stretch high waist legging jeans, and a baby soft flannel shirt made chic by the addition of frothing ruffles in a perfect V to the belly button, framing a high, soft, mock turtleneck. It is the perfect combination of snuggly and NY street style. I greet my nurse as usual, "Hello, Dahling." Emphasis on the dah,  an affectation I have cooped from my exotic Hungarian mother. "He-LOH SUN shine." she responds in her darling high water twang.

I'm not going to brunch. I'm going to chemo. Ever 21 days it comes a long. I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I resign myself to going and try to make it as fun, albeit ridiculous as possible.

I love my new nickname sunshine. They didn't even whisper this time when the camera came out (they're used to me now.)

Not pictured - when my vein blew and my hand started burning excruciatingly. When I did a happy dance because my labs were normal (again, they are every time, I refuse to stop celebrating. Sometimes winning is just not getting worse!)

If the goal of the project is as I stated in the first edition:

I've been struggling for a long time to put into words the complex way that illness makes me feel. It's horrible, challenging, humiliating but that's not all it is. It has it's moments of beauty. Of humor. It teaches me things that I might not have learned. The joys are sharper, more poignant, but they aren't gone. It's a new reality, one I still don't truly understand, but which I'm trying with every creative tool in my arsenal to express. So when I need it, or forget it's there, I have a resouce I can turn to remind me that it won't always be like this, and if it is, I'll be OK with that too.Photography is a new medium to me. It's only been a few years since I picked up a camera with the intention of doing more than just to point and shoot. I've worked on capturing basic images, then complex images, then images that I hope tell a story about my life.





Author's note: This is a second installation. You can view the first in it's entirety here.